Sophmore Year

This year was supossed to be better. No more drama? Yeah, apparently when you move a grade up, the drama goes up right with you. I'm sick of it. These people are killin me. Things were supossed to be better this year but they seemed to have gotten worse. As much as I don't wanna be in it, I am. Some things I guess I bring on myself but I can't help it. I'm bipolar and I make mistakes just like the next girl. but now these past couple of weeks have just been...
I just wanna stop it all. I am just gonna avoid things from now on. I think everything works better if you just stay quiet. But thats just not how I was raised. I was raised to open my mouth and talk so the quiet type is just not who I am, especially with my friends. But now I am just gonna try harder. This stuff is giving me physical pain and I'm sick of it. So now, here's to trying harder.

Boot Camp

I recently watched this movie. It's called Boot Camp and it has Mila Kunis in it. This movie was just amazing. I was blown away. It had everything in it. It had so much inspirational speaches and ugh it was just awesome. It is definatly going on my top list. It's about "A group of at-risk teens are sent to a what they think is a rehabilitation program on Fiji, but is really a prison-like camp where kids are abused and brainwashed." It's a thriller and you should just watch it! Totally amazing song from the movie..."Future Foe Scenarios" by Silversun Pickups. I'm obsessed.

Cellar Door - Escape The Fate

We walk through the doorway

Heard you calling from the hall

To find you in the bedroom

Not breathing at all

I drag your body

To the cellar where we lay

The wax, it melts away

I kiss your face

Now we are starting to love you more

Your body's a canvas

I paint it on the floor

Now you wait, like the drug, like the change

And the pain, it goes on for so long

And oh, now it hurts in the worst way now that you're gone

It's so wrong

It's so wrong

If I could take you somewhere

I'd take you to the darkest place

Scatter you in art forms

And wired hearts

Beauty in different ways

Your hands on picture frames
Your eyes on the glass

When your has a mask

Now they are staring to love you more

A gallery of your beauty

They'll charge at the door

As you wait, like the drug, like the change

And the pain it goes on for so long

And oh, now it hurts in the worst way now that your gone

It's so wrong

It's so wrong

And down below

Your veins run dry, your vacant eyes

I lost control

Your face is pale, your body's cold

And down below, your veins run dry, your vacant eyes

I lost control

Your face is pale, your body's cold

(Your face is pale, your body's cold)

Wait, like the drug, like the change

And the pain it goes on for so long

And oh, now it hurts in the worst way now that your gone

It's so wrong...

This is a hero

I've been reading on mylifeisg.com and all the posts are incredible. I have been on for over and hour reading and crying. They are all great posts and full of sadness or happiness.
Someone posted the following....
"Today, a man was being mugged. He was about to get shot. I jumped in front and took the bullet. I'm released from the hospital the man paid all my medical bills. He had two daughters. MyLifeIsG, his is more than G."
That is defiantly amazing. I cried when I read this, too because how many people do you know that would do something like this?
These stories on this site are inspiring and make me want to be better.
I'm glad I discovered the site. Knowing people go through such things make me feel immature for stressing over trivial things. We are all here to live our lives so make the best of it.

School

Today was the first day of school. Our school is the total bottom of the food chain. We are B-R-O-K-E. Our school has shit. I fugging hate it there. I mean, last year we got a new principal and with her came new stupid rules. Actual dress codes. It's not like anyone dressed like a hoochy anyway but she makes it to wear we girls can't even wear skirts that are shorter than the above of our knee. Now this year she makes things worse. Now we can't have our iPods AT ALL and MORE NEW DRESS CODES. What the fug is she trying to do. It's bad enough our school sucks ass and we're broke but now we can't have our iPods and a new dress code. Soon we are all gonna end up in uniforms. I hate this town. I hate this school. I so want to move. I actually might do just that.

The Truth

No one is perfect.
The world is an imperfect place.
Nothing is what it seems.
No one is what they seem.
Everyone has secrets.
Even the people closest to you.
Even family.
No one is what they seem.
Just leave it at that.

New School Year

So I just wanted to say that I'm getting RED highlights the day before school starts and I'm excited major. I can't wait! I have strawberry-blond hair and in The Summoning the main girl does, too. And in it she says that someone told her that red highlights in strawberry-blond hair goes good and I was planning on doing red, just wasn't sure. But I so don't care. I really want them and red is my favorite color. This new school year is gonna be different. I'm gonna have a whole new look. I'm even painting my room red and I am totally excited about that, too. This school year, I plan to just self actualize and I will not care what people think of me and I will just be my sarcastic self. No more silly high school drama. I want to focus on my studies and try to do my best and not let people get in my way. I will help my friends with anything they need and ignore the people who have hurt me in the past. I'll do what I want and do my best. And I especially look forward to reading a lot, instead of sitting in the "cave" (as my step-dad likes to call it) watching T.V. and doing things online. I will try to be better this school year. A better student, friend, daughter, and sister. Here's to the new school year.

Time Heals Everything

You know that saying "Time Heals Everything"?
Well, it's not true.
Some things just aren't able to be healed.
This saying *may* be true for some things.
But most of those things are just because you forget them over time.
Most things can't be healed, even when they happened years before.
What happens over time isn't healed.
It's either forgotten or just learned to live with and live around it.
Nothing can be fully healed.

Jeanine Mason - So You Think You Can Dance Winner

I normally don't watch "So You Think You Can Dance" but while I was in Cali, since my aunt only has basic cable, we ended up watching an episode. It was the episode where Ellen guest-judged. I love Ellen so we thought we'd watch it. Boy, am I glad. Turns out that was a memorable episode. The tribute to breast cancer dance preformed by Melissa Sandvig and Ade Obayomi was aired on that episode. The dance had everybody in the house crying. It was an emotional dance and was done really well. Jeanine Mason and Brandon Bryant preformed an aggresive dance to the song "Battlefield" by Jordin Sparks and I loved it. It was totally amazing and VERY well done. I was so happy to hear that Jeanine won! I only watched one episode and I loved her dancing. Absolutely amazing and I still watch the video from time to time. You can watch it at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V33dw5IfVP4. I also watched other videos of her dancing and she is just such a great dancer. I am very happy for her.

"We Read To Know We Are Not Alone" - C.S. Lewis

I love to read. Simple as that but I'm not the type of person who can pick up any book and read it and enjoy. It has to be fantasy/fiction because that's about all I like. My favorite series now are The Vampire Diaries and The House of Night Novels in that order. I love reading books like that but I hate reading boring books. Aka "educational" books. I love fantasy fiction because reading is *My* muse. Just like when people get angry or upset they drink, listen to music, dance, etc. Its my thing that makes me forget everything and get sucked into my own place. Because the books I read make me forget this world, escape, and think for just that long that we live in a fantasy world where everything is magical and believing in magic and something more. You can tell just by watching me read how much I love it. I laugh a lot and even cry a lot because I get so into it. Its the one thing that makes me escape this world. These books inspire me. People may think I have a great life and get everything I want and I'm just bitching but I've been through stuff, too. I know its not the same as others but that's just it. *I* have a semi-normal life but that doesn't mean that I'm unaware of the things other people go through. Things that terrible people do. I love to read. It helps me cope. "We read to know we are not alone" has a lot of meanings to me and it has to be one of my favorite quotes because I can relate.

My Role Model

So my role model has to be my Uncle Rudy. I just realized it today. I never really had a role model. I always used to say it was my parents cuz thats what most ppl say. Well I realized its not them. Don't get me wrong I love them and all but they aren't like my uncle. I actually look up to him most of all. He just inspires me. I don't know what it is but when he talks to me, it always gets through and I hear him. It might have something to with the fact that when he talks to me he doesn't tell me what to do and doesn't get mad. He just talks and I listen.
Everything he says I like. He was the one who talked to me about my dad. After that I forgave my dad bc he's been through a lot of shit that I never even thought about. And Rudy did that without even trying. I really appreciate my uncle and his style. He is independant and does what he wants when he wants. And I look up to that. He has his morals and I agree with them.
People blame the way they turn out on their parents. That's just fucking retarded. You may grow up with a dad that took off or an abusive parent, but what you choose to do about it is your problem. Don't blame it on the parents. Dad takes off? Ok, happens all the time. But its what you choose to do after is what matters. You can choose to sulk and blame all your misfortunes on them or you can choose to do what they didn't do. And choose not to be like them. It's up to you and that really kills me when someone blames shit on having a crappy childhood. Everything *you* do is *your* choice. That's just a lil sample of something we talked about but I elaborated a lot on it.

Memories

Sometimes memories eat people alive.

You had someone and they were taken away from you.

There are so many ways memories can give you the worst unbearable pain.

Memories with the one you loved....

Until the worst happens....

They move, die, leave you, have to leave you, want to leave you, are just taken away from you....

You cry yourself to sleep thinking of them and how you wish they were with you, wondering why?

Why did they have to go?

Why were they taken away from you?

You want to hide your pain from the people you love not wanting them to know just how much your hurting.

How the pain just seems to keep getting worse.

You wish you could just go back to the times where everything you did was so care free.

You want to go back and stay in the past....

Not wanting to be here now....

Wanting nothing more than to be with them again....

"All of my memories keep you near.

In silent moments,

Imagine you being here.

All of my memories keep you near....

In silent whispers, silent tears"

-Painful but true lyrics in Memories by Within Temptation.

Alcohol vs. Cigarettes vs. Marijuana

I have something to say about marijuana being illegal.

In my opinion it should be legal.

Cigarettes are legal.

They damage your lungs.

They are clearly worse than marijuana.

What does marijuana do?

Honestly, give you a feeling that just feels...good.

Your worries drop and whatnot.

And yes it does effect your judgement.

But

Its better than smoking cigarettes.

Its better than alcohol.

Alcohol gets you drunk off your ass and *one*

beer can damage your judgement bad enough to get in a car accident.

It messes you up.

Its bad for your liver and many other things.

But yet that is legal.

Sure you can't drink and drive.

But why can't they make that the law with marijuana?

It messes up your judgement too.

No drinking and driving.

No *smoking* and driving is what it should be.

Alcohol is legal to those who are 21+ as long as your not driving.

Smoking is only legal to be sold to 18+.

Does that mean you can't smoke it if your 13?

NO.

Marijuana has a better effect on people than cigarettes and alcohol but its illegal.

?